Monthly Archives: March 2012

WBKE – Episode 11: Nerd Culture Part 1

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This week on Will and Bobby Know Everything, our good friend Matt Battaglia joins us to discuss nerd culture, and eventually, which one of us is the nerdiest.

It’s a pretty fast paced episode, where we furiously debate whether or not these franchises suck:

The Walking Dead, Comic Book Men, Star Wars, and Harry Potter.

We each also admit something that we are embarrassed about, and shockingly, Bobby has a shit ton of them.

Also, Bobby tells some insanely fascinating stories, one about a friend, and one about himself, and I’m kicking myself for not asking him more questions about them!

This episode is crazy, it’s fun, it’s fast paced, and we cover almost everything. ALMOST! There will be a Part Two next week with Mike Costa added to the conversation!

So here’s what you should do:

Click here to listen straight from your browser!

Click here to go straight to the iTunes page for the show!

Or download the free Stitcher app for Apple/Android/Blackberry devices and search for “WBKE”

For more detailed instructions on how to get the show, click here!

As always, please send and comments or questions to us at WillAndBobby@gmail.com. Also feel free to send any requests for topics or requests to host, because we’re definitely open to both. It doesn’t matter where you are, because Skype exists, and our feeling is that everybody has something worth talking about.

You can also find us online on Facebook by clicking here (please click the Like button), and find me and Matt Battaglia on Twitter where we’re WillRogers2000 and MattJBatt! We also technically have a Twitter account for the show, which I’ll start working on eventually, so follow it if you want: it’s just WillAndBobby.

Alright, that’s all I’ve got, listen to the show, and if you like it, please pass on the word, we want to expand our audience and we can really use your help! Thanks and take care!

Part 2 next week!

WBKE – Episode 10: The Creative Arts

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On Episode 10 of Will and Bobby Know Everything, we’re joined by our good friend Sarah Van Auken, who guides us in a conversation about The Creative Arts.

Sarah tells us about a creepy play she tried out for, Bobby shares a story about a crazy moron he was in a play with, and Will talks about stand-up comedy.

We had a really great time recording this episode, and it’s a lot of fun to listen to, so:

Click here to listen straight from your browser!

Click here to go directly to the iTunes page for the show!

Or download the free Stitcher app on iPhone/Android/Blackberry and search for “WBKE” to stream it from your fancy phone!

For more detailed instructions on how to listen to the show, click here!

As usual, guys, please feel free to send any comments, questions, suggestions for topics or requests to host to WillAndBobby@gmail.com.

And if you like the show, please like us on Facebook! Click here to go straight to the Facebook page or just click the “like” button in the side bar. Because the show is free and goofy, all we ask as repayment is for you to please tell THREE (3!) people about us. We have a great time doing the show, and we want it to grow, so please help us out.

Thanks guys, I hope you enjoy the show, and see you next week for Episode 11!

WBKE – Episode 9: Pop Culture

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READ THIS BEFORE LISTENING: On Will and Bobby Know Everything this week, we get into some strange subject matter. Subject matter that might offend some, and will definitely disappoint others. So because of that, here’s what I want to put out there:

Don’t judge me in real life for statements I make in the podcast this week.

I’m very proud of this episode. As a matter of fact, I had a blast recording it, I think it’s hilarious, and I’m happily putting it online, but there are some odd jokes in the episode this week that I feel will make me seem crude. And maybe I am, but I don’t want to hear anything about how I have a childish sense of humor or anything. It’s all in good fun. It’s all lighthearted and goofy, so get out of your head, don’t take anything you hear seriously, and enjoy the show!

Anyway, this week Bobby and I welcome our buddy Frank onto the show to discuss pop culture. It very quickly turns into a conversation about what we hate about pop culture.

Most importantly, Frank discusses his attempts at performing magic, and also brings a couple of fun games to the table!

We also all go out of our minds, it’s so good.

To listen straight from your browser, click here!

To find the show on iTunes, simply search for “WBKE” or click here!

To stream the show on your smart phone, download the free Stitcher app for iPhones/Android/Blackberry and search “WBKE”

If you need more detailed instructions, click here!

Enjoy, please subscribe, and please tell your friends! If you like the show, all we ask is that you simply tell THREE people about it. Just three, help spread the word!

As always, feel free to send comments or questions to WillAndBobby@gmail.com and we’re always accepting requests for topics or even hosts!

You can find more content from us at http://www.WillAndBobby.com and look for us on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/WillandBobby

Episode 10 next week!

Technology

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Our week on the topic of technology is just about over, but I’m still fascinated by one of the things we discussed:

On the show we talked about the idea of having a chip in your head that lets a movie play out right in front of your eyes, because the movie is being beamed straight into your coconut. Yeah, it’s years out, many years out, but while I’m intrigued by the notion of expanding our abilities via the internet (which would be part of our consciousness), you have to wonder about practicality.

I get in trouble with my girlfriend now for constantly checking my e-mail, the show’s stats, etc. on my iPhone. What the hell is going to happen when I can constantly, without her knowing, be playing Mario Kart in my mind?

More than that, what’s to stop me from just sitting in a corner watching 30 Rock and googling funny pictures of dogs? What will keep me tethered to reality?

Yes, human interaction, I know. But don’t forget about the huge role social media plays in our lives now.

Remember when there was that earthquake in Virginia back in August, 2011? The tremors from that quake could be felt along the entire east coast! The moment I felt it, I checked every news outlet I could, but they didn’t have any information. Then I went on Twitter and immediately found out what happened. A buddy of mine in DC explained that he felt it too, and he had heard it was an earthquake.

Every news outlet was working to write up a story explaining why we all felt the quake. They needed to have the origin point, the magnitude, and the scope. They were busy getting the facts before they could report, while people on Facebook and Twitter were quickly talking to each other and reasoning out/passing along what information they could. It was damn near instant that I learned what had happened.

When we all have computer chips in our brain, will this be the closest thing our species will come to having a shared consciousness? Communication will literally be instantaneous. It’s amazing and terrifying.

Remember the Matrix? No, forget that, remember Wall-E!?

Wall-E takes place in a future where humans have left planet Earth because the atmosphere is overpolluted, so now all the surviving people live on a big space ship filled with shops. We all just sit in floating recliners that come complete with cupholders and a personal TV right in front of your face. If Bobby and I lived in the future that Wall-E depicts, and we’re sitting side by side, instead of turning to him to speak, I just video-call him. Is that the future? We’re all plugged in? And fat as shit by the way, with decreased bone dencity and cute little robots falling in love all around us?

Doesn’t sound half bad, honestly, aside from the smaller bones and the robots, I’m basically there already. But won’t we still require data plans? Is there a possibility that Bobby and I will be halfway through watching the new Die Hard (or playing the new Mortal Kombat) but then the signal will cut out because I didn’t pay the bill?

What would you do in that case? If you were disconnected from what has become the cyber world and now you not only can’t google “Bears waving like people” but you also can’t communicate with anybody?

Shit’s bleak.

I say fuck that. Keep your chips out of my brain!

Instead, I think that we should morph the human body to become more versatile. Think Inspector Gadget.

What’s that? It’s raining? No problem, a robot arm wearing a nice white glove will pop out my head, holding an umbrella!

You want to go skating, you say? Sounds good to me, MY FEET ARE SKATES!

Maybe I’m being an old man again. Maybe I just have a limited scope of what can be accomplished by merging the human consciousness with the internet. Maybe I honestly won’t live to see the day that this becomes a reality, but nevertheless I do think this is what we’re all heading toward and expecting. And as dumb as it is, I much prefer my Inspector Gadget idea.

It’s more useful to me to be put in my place using my iPhone too much than to get away with staring at the internet because all the function is taking place in my mind. I want to not only have access to the advanced technology, but I want to be chastised for doing it too much. So give me a finger that can become a cork-screw and I’ll keep my phone in my pocket.

And if someone could come up with a way for my ass to turn into a chair, that’d be great too.

What do you think? Am I going to far?

 

Ouija Board: The Movie (Based on Ouija Board: The Thing)

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Last year, it was announced that there was going to be an OFFICIAL Ouija Board movie, directed by McG (who directed Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle, remember how much everybody loved that?). The budget was announced as being $100 million.

NOTE: This project seriously existed.

Fortunately, it was cancelled, because, well, that was a stupid fucking idea.

Unfortunately, Ouija wouldn’t stay dead (!!!) and now it’s back with a $5 million budget, and now the joke around the internet is that the movie must suck to have such a huge budget cut. Meanwhile, I’m left wondering why they’re even spending twenty bucks.

SPEND AS LITTLE MONEY AS POSSIBLE ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT AND PEOPLE WILL SEE IT.

How fucking stupid are we getting as consumers? The bar is set so goddamn low now. All that’s required in a blockbuster movie is the bare minimum amount of plot elements possible to make it recognizable as a genre of some sort.

Exciting action movies just need to have things moving around while you hear explosions and shit. Have you ever seen a Transformers movie? I have no idea what happens in them. The point of the movie is literally “Look at that car, now it’s shaped like a robot and it’s HITTING ANOTHER ROBOT!”

They made a movie out of the game Battleship. It’s about alien submarines that jam our radar so we have to blindly shoot torpedoes at them…I actually think that’s kind of clever…Dammit…

So now Ouija Board: The Movie is back on track to dazzle audiences by having the same plot as almost every ghost movie ever, except they can use an OFFICIAL BOARD! Hooray!

Now I’ll be able to buy the “The official board featured in Ouija Board: The Movie” or maybe tell people that I was into Ouija boards before they got popular.

Fuck this movie (NOTE: I might see this movie)

Based on the Ouija movie, here are some great movies I just came up with ON MY OWN:

Where’s Waldo: Detective Waldo Johnson is an FBI agent gone rogue. He’s going to tell the media all of his Chief’s secrets unless they can find him NOW! Match the tone of the “Bourne” movies and we’ll all be rich!

Hungry Hungry Hippos: A mad scientist creates a super soldier serum, but accidentally lightly drizzles it on his pet hippo (I’m getting sick of writing this, so whatever) and it get’s big and mad…then it eats shit… I’m a millionaire!

Mr. Potato Head: A man has a horrible disease that causes his body to fall apart. There is no cure, and he doesn’t want to upset his family, so he tries to hide his illness. When his head falls off his body, he does his best to look normal by resting it on a pair of shoes and tapes little plastic action figure arms to his cheeks. He lives in a horrible world of pain, crying out in anguish and despair for the majority of the movie, while his psychotic children gleefully place different types of glasses on his face. He begs for them to kill him, but they don’t want to end the fun. Eventually the police show up to investigate the man’s disappearance because his boss at the Potato Factory (lazy) has reported him missing.

The police walk in to find the mans body discarded and rotting on the floor, and are delighted to see how much fun the kids are having. They join in, contributing a police hat for the man to wear. Eventually they realize that other people should be able to have the same fun as them, so they create a doll of a disembodied head that you can dress up in all kinds of silly clothes. The disembodied head is decided to be bizarre and inappropriate, so they change it to a potato once they remember that the guy worked at a “Potato Factory” (I MADE THIS RELEVANT).

Boom, I’m either rich or in a mental institution.

NOTE: THIS MOVIE WOULD MAKE ME RICH.

NOTE: I’M PRETTY SURE THIS IS ACTUALLY WHERE MR. POTATO HEAD CAME FROM.

NOTE: I’M SICK OF WRITING THIS AND INSTEAD OF A PROPER ENDING I’M JUST GOING TO STOP.

One last thing: They should call the Ouija Board movie “Ouija Movie” to mirror “Ouija Board.”

“Honey, which Ouija thing did we want? Was it the board or the movie?”

WBKE – Episode 8: Technology

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This week on Will and Bobby Know Everything, Igor Brodsky guides Bobby and me in a conversation about Technology!

This episode has it all:

Questions about the future of pants technology.

Questions about the nature of the earth/aliens.

Discussion of what objects Bobby and I would like to be, which logically devolves into me trying to figure out the best way to ruin the rest of his life.

It’s pretty goddamn action packed so get listening!

Here’s how:

Click here to listen directly from your browser!

Click here to go straight to the iTunes page for the show!

Or search for “WBKE” on the FREE iPhone/Android/Blackberry app Stitcher!

As always, feel free to leave any comments or questions here, and feel free to send requests to host or topic suggestions to us at WillAndBobby@gmail.com!

Episode 9 next week!

If you need more detailed instructions for how to listen to the show, click here.

 

Bald Like Me

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I was filling my jacket with crumpled up pieces of paper for warmth this morning when I caught a glimpse of myself in a dirty mirror behind my apartment. In between winking and giving myself the thumbs up, I noticed something very strange about my appearance. I have Nicolas Cage’s hairline. Needless to say, I called out of work and binged on three pints of ice cream and a Netflix marathon of whatever the Charlie Sheen’s show is called. A Man A Baby and Me? That’s the one.

Well, you see that’s when it hit me! There, between my second and third nap just after the Chinese food guy yelled at me for giggling and asking him why they didn’t give me a real poopoo platter, I realized something crucially important to my life up to now. The podcast, the comedy duo with Will, none of it’s going to work out. You see, Will is also going bald, and everyone knows that any good duo has one funny bald one and a clean-cut straight man. Which one of us will be in the spot light, and which one of us will hide behind the curtain ringing the chapel bell and cursing all of the pretty girls I’ve never gotten to sleep with? The bald man is just funnier by default. Think about it; if Tom Waits didn’t have a full head of hair, his music would go from dark, mysterious chantey songs to an old, lonely bald man getting sick in a deli. If that doesn’t make sense, just say it out loud to someone else around you and you’ll totally get the joke.

Well, so what if I’m going bald? Plenty of brilliant men, scientists, actors, presidents have been bald and gone on to do great things. They went to college, though. I should have gone to college. Well, that’s okay too; I’ll just go back. I could stay in the dorms! College kids won’t be cruel at all to a Twenty Five year old bald man with a chip on his shoulder and an entry-level education, right?

Plus, just think of all the Halloween costume ideas! Well, there’s Elmer Fudd! Bald Spiderman… bald Luke Skywalker… and Nicolas Cage. How did that guy get a career again?

That’s when my career choice hit me again! It was right after I threw up all the Chinese food and mistook a cigarette for a candy cigarette when I realized that I have two very viable options ahead of me. I can either be a blockbuster movie stuntman (the wigs will bond perfectly to my hairless scalp), or a spy for the government (I can blind other spies by reflecting the sun off of my head). Oh, or a hit man; they’re always bald. Or a clown. Oh God, I might be turning in to a clown.

Really, I should have seen it coming. You know when growing up you notice the trends which all of the adult males in your life go through and wonder which ones will affect you in your later life? Alcoholism costs too much money, and I already spend all of my hard-earned cash fixing things of other people’s which I accidentally break. Bald should have been number one; we Koester men have very lumpy heads.

That brings me to my real point here; stop being so superficial, people. This society has gone on long enough idolizing looks, and it’s about time for change. From now on, I want you to step outside every day, ignore whatever spooky homeless man you see pretending a dead dog is a living turtle, and appreciate every man and woman for his or her God given hairless talent! After all, monks don’t have hair, and God likes them more than you. It’s scientific fact. Now that my hair is quickly fading, all I have to do is get a talent, and I’ll be well on my way to all of my wildest dreams coming true.

Screw that. I’m just going to start a new cult: The Reformed Church of Bald. It turns out Jesus had that long hair so he could comb it over his bald spot.Image

I take full credit for this strange, anonymous picture I found on Google.

A Few Updates

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Hey guys, I just made a couple of additions to the website.

Up at the top of the page, next to the “About us” link, you’ll see two new sections, “Episode List” and “How to Listen.”

When you click on “Episode List” you’ll get exactly what you might assume, a list of every episode we’ve done so far. More than that, though, if you click on any episode name, you’ll be able to instantly start listening to that episode right from your browser!

When you click on “How to Listen” you’ll get pretty detailed instructions for how to listen to Will and Bobby Know Everything. I have instructions for:

  • Your computer
  • Your iPhone/iPod/iPad
  • Your Android phone/tablet
  • Your Blackberry

I can’t think of anything I left out, but that might just be because I’m not very smart, so if I dropped the ball, throw me an email at WillAndBobby@gmail.com so I can make any additions I have to.

Alright, that’s that, but I think those are pretty damn good additions.

Breitbart Died and then Awesome Stuff Happened

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FIRST: I’m not saying it’s awesome that he died, I’m saying the  response to his death is kind of awesome.

Gawker just posted this article, in which they show all the tweets from people who think that Andrew Breitbart’s death was NOT of natural causes. I highly suggest reading this for both the entertainment value and the sense of horror you get at how crazy people are/how poorly they think/write:

Breitbart’s Death: The Conspiracy Insta-Theories

My first reaction was “Holy shit, these people are crazy,” which became “Holy shit, this is awesome,” which finally evolved into “Holy shit, I don’t care about this at all, but how awesome would it be if Obama DID kill Breitbart!?”

Obviously there’s shit the government doesn’t tell us, but I highly doubt they’re trying to silence this guy from revealing some of Obama’s “colledge ‘issues.’” (I’m intentionally misspelling “college” here, by the way, check the Gawker article)

First of all, if Andrew Breitbart had stumbled across some massive secret that was big enough for Obama to want him dead, then I’m sure he had the foresight to make sure someone else ALSO had the info.

Just think about how many cliché stories there are about a guy who has info no one else does, and being killed for it. It’s such a common idea. There’s no way anybody who stumbles across a major hidden truth doesn’t back up the info one million different ways.

Goofy conspiracy theories aren’t true.

I just think it’d be awesome if they were true, the same way I wish ghosts were real.