This week, someone posted a link to a youtube video where in which a man recorded 1 second of video every day for a year. Remember Noah Kalina, that weird guy with the sunken in eyes and crazy hair (hi Noah) and project where he took a photo of himself every day for something ridiculous like six years and compiled them? Set to some evocative classical music written by his girlfriend, the video was quick to make it into a goddamn hallmark commercial. This is not that video, however.
No, indeed put away your Kleenex and don’t worry about locking yourself in your room to sob quietly into a pillow just like every other night. This video is much more boring. But, if you like to watch a dozen shots of an old Asian man eating dinner, some nerds playing Magic: The Gathering, a woman in a hospital for fifteen days, and then some random shots of animals that you don’t actually have enough time to focus on, and then the occasional awkward person looking at the camera, this video is for you.

In other news, someone finally solved one of the biggest quandaries mankind has been faced with for ten years. Read here all about how you shouldn’t buy a dildo off of craigslist, especially if you’re gay and under 18. Strange that no one thought about not buying dildos off of craigslist before. Also look out for my cock ring etsy page coming soon.

With all of this gun violence as of late, gun control is back on reddit. Recently, as you can see in this baby here Mortal Kombat was blamed for all of the school shootings in the past twenty years. I’d like to point out that Mortal Kombat had no guns. Okay maybe that one guy had a gun in the 3rd one, but it never killed anyone? This country hasn’t heard anything about gun violence since… the batman movie came out?

What people don’t realize is that these are hot topics in the news for now until: 1. Nothing is done about them for too long, 2. Someone takes drugs and eats another person’s face off, or 3. Some cute bear is drunk in the news.
Here, some man’s scary uncle Erik (see crazy Swiss metal band members who change C’s to K’s) finally came out and said what everyone’s been thinking for years; modding your car to look like a space ship is a waste of money and also makes you look like a retard. I don’t care if you have a racer-X mask, if you put a wing on a 99 Dodge Cargo Van, or if you flash gang symbols outside of the NASCAR Store (There’s actually a live action version of this at a mall near my hometown. At least there was when I was 16). Isn’t it a little abrasive to make sure your sport is actually written in all caps always? Also, in this gentle little post he pretty much dishes out the advice of spending the money on a set of tools and learning how the fuck your car works, which is crazy Swedish for “man up.” Bullying at it’s finest.
Everything else sucked, but someone posted some nudes and a picture of Link from the Zelda franchise kissing Princess Zelda. Awesome.
Oh, also it’s the 22nd and the world didn’t end yesterday, so you can all suck a bean if you spent your life savings on an apocalypse shelter. Maybe the Mayan translation for apocalypse is actually “pudgy white morons arguing about guns and Christmas.”